Iowa's New Team Stinks

There are certain stereotypes about animals that simply have a little exaggeration to them. Cockroaches being able to withstand a nuclear blast? Not completely true. Cockroaches can withstand a lot, but the truth is that a nuclear blast will still kill some of the little insects. Maybe not all, but some is better than none, right? In the case of pigs, it's a common assumption that they are dirty, smelly animals due to their living conditions. Again, somewhat untrue. They are actually one of the cleanest animals on the planet. However, the announcement made by Kirby Schlegel, CEO of Schlegel Sports who owns the Iowa AHL franchise, absolutely stinks.

"We really feel this name perfectly represents our vision of the new team," team owner Kirby Schlegel said in a statement. "It illustrates Iowa’s agricultural heritage while also playing into the definition of chops, having nerve, resilience and staying power.

"The word chops can mean continually defeating someone, and that is the reputation we expect Iowa’s new team to gain in the league."

Is this the best they could come up with? A pig? Representing pork chops? Who was in charge of this logo and team-naming project?

Firstly, the word "chops" does not mean "to have nerve" or "to continually defeat someone". The idiom is "busting one's chops", which means "to scold or insult someone" or "to disappoint or defeat someone". I'm not sure if people in Iowa speak English, but I was under the assumption that they did. Stretching the team name to reach an idiom would be like saying the NBA's Utah Jazz are called as such because they are "all that jazz". It's stupid, and it doesn't work.

How does the team name represent the "vision of the new team"? The word "chops" presents nothing visionary. Unless you're envisioning dinner, the Pork Chops have zero visionary aspects.

"A secondary logo located on the shoulders of the players' jerseys will be an outline of the state of Iowa with the letter "I" in the center", showing that the team that designed this idiotic logo has zero creativity. The team has decided to go with a new colour scheme of "crimson, grey and black, designed to depict the tougher style of hockey coming to Iowa". How do colours make the team tougher? Personally, when I think of the new colour scheme, I think of a certain rival NCAA school.

Look, I'm all for unique names and stuff. However, the Rockford IceHogs were the first pig-related team in the AHL, and we really didn't need any others.

"We wanted a name that would catch people’s attention and spark discussion, not just in Iowa but nationally as well," team president Steve Nitzel said in a statement. "There is no doubt the name is unique. We’re confident that the team will continue to gain respect in this community and in the league for years to come."

It's sparking discussion, for sure. It's sparked a number of words in me - stupid, idiotic, moronic, atrocious, ridiculous. And those are just the G-rated words. I'm telling you right now that I'll like this name and logo when pigs fly. No offence, Iowa citizens, but the owners of this franchise belong on a funny farm.

I will never have respect for this team as long as they call themselves the "Chops". This is grounds for immediate removal of the AHL membership in my opinion. I'm sure a lot of people in Iowa will be looking forward to cheering for the Chops this season if they can find enough paper bags for their heads. Personally, I can't wait to bust their chops on the look of their new uniforms.

This name is an embarrassment to hockey, the people of Iowa, and the AHL franchise based in Des Moines. Nice job, "Chops".

Until next time, keep your sticks on the ice!