Hockey Headlines

Thursday, 19 March 2009

Thursday's Fantasy Update

Today was a long and busy day for me. I was literally running around from the time I woke up until late this evening when I find myself here. But that's ok since I want to be here rather than running around doing errands and stuff. Hockey is a much better thing to focus on, right? Right. So I logged into Yahoo's Fantasy Hockey Pool today to check on my team, Mascots-R-Us, to see how I'm doing in the opening round of the playoffs, and I'm proud to say that I'm winning this round at this moment. But, you ask, what happened down the stretch? Did you end up remaining in first place? How long did you have a stranglehold on the league for? Here's where I answer some tough questions.

Disclaimer: none of the journalists featured in this piece actually asked me any questions. They are 100% innocent of the parody press conference they are about to take part in.

Kevin Allen, USA Today: Thanks, Teebz. You ended the season in third-place overall after sitting atop the standings for the majority of the second half of the season. Can you walk us through what may have led to your team's fall from the top seed?

Teebz: Great question, Kevin. I had spoken in the past about the two Achilles' heels that I believed my team had - that being goal-scoring and goaltending.

During the course of our run at the top of the standings, I was getting sensational goaltending from both Marty Turco and Ilya Bryzgalov as both Dallas and Phoenix were playing some solid hockey. However, both Dallas and Phoenix are fading from the playoff scene, most notably due to sketchy goaltending efforts on the parts of these two men, and my team has suffered.

Goal-scoring is also a concern due to the number of setup men I seem to be carring on the roster. Saku Koivu all but disappeared for the better part of six weeks, and a few key injuries really set my team back. Having Markus Naslund playing the worst hockey of his career hasn't helped either. I'm just thankful that Parise and Erik Cole have put up some decent numbers in that time.

Eric Duhatschek, Globe & Mail: Teebz, you were passed by both Tugnutt and The Anze Fever at the end of the season. What are your thoughts on those two teams, and your chances against the top two seeds.

Teebz: I'll be very honest here, Eric. Those are a couple of phenomenal teams. Tugnutt literally rose out of nowhere and began slaughtering teams above him to take the lead, and that includes Mascots-R-Us. The Anze Fever has been right on our tails all season long, and we gave up second spot by one point. With that in mind, I feel we're very evenly matched.

Tugnutt has really benefitted from Chris Kunitz and Alexander Semin as of late, in my opinion, and has gotten some timely goaltending - exactly what championship teams need. Personally, I like how we stack up against them, but we need a big effort from our goaltending tandem to stand a chance in a series with Team Tugger.

The Anze Fever has excellent goaltending, and has some solid scoring threats. They really stack up well against any team. Again, we have to worry about ourselves if we have a hope of beating them in the next round, provided we advance.

Al Strachan, You've been a supporter of fighting in hockey in that you have said repeatedly that it has real importance to the game, yet your team doesn't carry an enforcer. Was there an attempt to make a deal for an enforcer at the trade deadline?

Teebz: Are you serious? Like, for real? No. I need players who can score goals. Unless you can find me a guy who records a Gordie Howe hat trick every night, what good would he be to a fantasy hockey team if he played less than 10 minutes and only records a two-minute minor? This is fantasy hockey, Strachan. Not the real thing. Next question.

Howard Berger, Fan590 radio: Why didn't you get a measurement on Jason Spezza's stick in November when the points mattered?

Teebz: Um, Ron Wilson is holding a press conference in the next room over, Berger. I have no problem with Spezza's stick.

Matthew Barnaby, ESPN: I talked to a few guys from out west who said "thank you" when told that you had been moved to this team. They said you were a "cancer" inside the locker room. How would you react to that?

Teebz: What the...? It's fantasy hockey, Barnaby. What are you talking about? If this is some reference to the table hockey incident of 1992, that's old news, man.

Ok, so enough with the goofy questions and lame answers. I'm leading the Temple of Poetry by a 9-2-1 count this week, so it looks good entering the weekend that I may move on. Again, I'm not going to jinx this, but I just need a couple more solid games from my players, and we'll have The Anze Fever waiting for us.

Until next time, keep your sticks on the ice!

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