You're Wearing That? - The Trilogy

There have been some remarkably ugly jerseys seen in the previous editions of You're Wearing That?, as well as some that are quite creative. If you want to check out the first two editions, You're Wearing That? and You're Wearing That? - The Sequel are available by clicking those links. The You're Wearing That? - IceCats Exposed article is also available by clicking the link, and that edition looks exclusively at the Worcester IceCats who seemed to change their jerseys as often as they changed their underwear. Not to worry, though. We're back with an extended version, and some of these are quite... well, I'll let you read about them.

It seems that holidays have a special place in the world of hockey. The NHL doesn't go too far in changing teams jerseys as a promotional item, but they have changed their practice jerseys, specifically with the San Jose Sharks. Well, another NHL team has joined the holiday practice jersey bandwagon - the Atlanta Thrashers, who celebrate St. Patrick's Day with these jerseys. Like the Sharks, all of the practice jerseys went up for auction, and the money was donated to charities in and around Atlanta.

The Arizona SunDogs of the Central Hockey League decided that Christmas just wasn't Christmas without Santa, so they dressed their players as Santa Claus for their game during the holidays. My first reaction was "why". My second reaction was "WHY".

The Augsburger Panthers of the German Elite League (DEL) celebrated Halloween with this jersey. With all the advertising and writing on the jersey, Halloween is the last message I see. This jersey falls under "when good ideas go bad". They also did a Halloween jersey in 2003, but that jersey had the same problem.

The Bakersfield Condors of the ECHL celebrated St. Patrick's Day this season with these jerseys. They also wore jerseys for Veterans Day. Both jerseys are decent, but not outstanding.

The Binghampton Senators of the AHL celebrated St. Patrick's Day with these jerseys this season. They're not bad, but they went ahead and committed a ridiculous mistake by creating an anniversary jersey for their 5th anniversary as their alternate jersey. Having one anniversary jersey is bad enough, but another one for home games? A patch is fine. A jersey is not, let alone two anniversary jerseys. I cannot say this enough. Do not use a jersey to commemorate your own anniversary. That's why patches were created.

The Cardiff Devils of the Elite Ice Hockey League (EIHL) in England celebrated Christmas with this jersey. Personally, I find it a little hard to celebrate Christmas when there is an angry devil's head on my chest.

Team Canada wore pink jerseys against Team USA at the 2007 Women's World Hockey Championship. They wanted to recognize the Canadian team that wore pink jerseys and won the first Women's World Hockey Championship in Ottawa in 1990. I like the idea, but I hate the jersey. Team Canada is red, not pink. Make it a patch, not a jersey.

The Cedar Rapids Roughriders of the USHL have the first entry in the "Guns and Hoses" jersey category, and their jersey looks pretty good. The Guns and Hoses promotion was run to honour the men and women of the police departments and fire departments throughout America for their tireless efforts everyday in saving lives. This promotion gets a big thumbs-up from this writer, and the Roughriders' jersey also gets a thumbs-up for its simplicity.

The Chicago Freeze of the North American Hockey League (NAHL) wore St. Patrick's Day jerseys in 2002. They're quite boring, and not very creative.

The Chicago Hounds of the UHL offered an interesting promotion this season: Battle of the Bands. It's too bad that the jerseys they wore aren't as interesting.

The Chicago Wolves of the IHL and AHL have worn several versions of St. Patrick's Day jerseys: the first, the second, and the third. The third jersey is the best of the three, but it's hard to overlook that menacing wolf's face in the middle of the green. They lose points for that, but the designs are unique.

The Coventry Blaze of the EIHL celebrated Christmas with these jerseys this season. Additional marks for the letters and numbers having snow on them. If they weren't a European team, I'd take marks off for the advertising on the jerseys being a distraction, but the Christmas feel is there on these ones.

The Elmira Jackals of the UHL also celebrated a Guns and Hoses night, wearing these jerseys in honour of the men and women of the police and fire departments. Honestly, they are a little busy for my liking. Simplicity cannot be overstated on promo jerseys. The Jackals also celebrated St. Patrick's Day with these jerseys this season. I would have liked to see more Irish design on the jerseys, but at least they made this one a little less busy.

The Fairbanks Ice Dogs of the NAHL celebrated Christmas in 2004 by donning these jerseys. I like these jerseys as they capture the spirit of the promotion, and are very clear as to what they are promoting.

The Flint Generals of the UHL celebrated their 10th anniversary in 2002 by wearing a jersey for the event. Make it a patch, Flint. The jersey looks stupid.

The Laredo Bucks of the CHL, who seem to be a mainstay on these lists, make it on here again, thanks to a number of jerseys. The celebrated Halloween this season, which I like. The celebrated New Year's again, but these aren't as good as the 2006 version found in the last article. The Bucks went boring with this season's St. Patrick's Day jersey. The Bucks also celebrated a Military Night. I really like the Bucks' logo, and I think it works extremely well with that camouflage jersey.

The Las Vegas Wranglers of the ECHL show up again for their Centennial jersey that they wore in 2005-06. They even wore a Centennial patch on their Centennial jersey which, to me, makes no sense. Why not just wear the patch? Anniversary jerseys are, once again, a stupid idea in my view. The Wranglers weren't done there, though. They also celebrated Mardi Gras Night in 2003. This jersey is terrible in my opinion.

The Lewiston Maineiacs of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League (QMJHL) wore a ridiculous alternate jersey. What's with the atrocious logo?

The Louisville Panthers of the AHL wore Christmas jerseys in 2000. Unfortunately, if it weren't for the Santa hat on the Panther, you'd never know. The candy canes on the shoulders are highly inconspicuous, and the colours don't scream out "Merry Christmas". This jersey receives a failing grade. I'm not saying the jersey was the reason, but the Panthers are now defunct.

The Madison Monsters of the UHL and Colonial Hockey League (CoHL) wore these jerseys in the mid-1990s. The team moved to Knoxville, Tennessee before the 1999-2000 season. I don't know if it was because the pyjama-esque jerseys or something else, but these jerseys make me sleepy.

The Grand Rapids Griffins of the AHL celebrated Halloween in 2004. Strangely enough, the Laredo Bucks also wore a Halloween jersey that looks familiar. Are we running out of promotional jersey ideas that two teams in different leagues need to copy one another?

The Gwinnett Gladiators of the ECHL paid tribute to Atlanta traffic this season. Gwinnett, located just outside of Atlanta, Georgia, wanted to portray something for which Atlanta is famous. Some may find it funny, but I think this is a waste of a promotion. Thumbs-down from this writer.

The Hartford Wolfpack of the AHL celebrated their 10th anniversary with a jersey this season. It feels as though I am beating a dead horse here: patch - yes; jersey - no. No one wears their age on their chest for six months, so why do owners wear their team's age on the chests of others? Idiotic.

The Kentucky Thoroughblades of the AHL celebrated Christmas in 1999. The changes to the logo are nice, but why not add a few more elements of Christmas to the jersey? You could maybe add some green and red. Or a candy cane. Or some snow. Or just not make stupid promotional jerseys.

The Houston Aeros of the AHL have created some "interesting"-looking alternate jerseys. And by "interesting", I mean "hideous".

The Knoxville Ice Bears of the Southern Professional Hockey League (SPHL) ran a couple of interesting promotions on 2004-05. They honoured Harley-Davidson with a jersey, and honoured America with a jersey. These jerseys are decent. The Ice Bears get a pass.

The Mahoning Valley Phantoms of the NAHL celebrated a couple of things this season. They wore a St. Patrick's Day jersey, and wore a Relay For Life jersey to help in the battle against cancer. Both jerseys are pretty good. The only thing missing from the St. Patrick's Day jersey would be an Irish hat. That would have made for some smiles. Good jerseys here, though.

The Missouri River Otters of the UHL celebrated Christmas in 2002-03. Again, two leagues with two similar jerseys for the same promotion. The River Otters and Milwaukee Admirals both wore the same jersey for the same season for the same promotion. Unoriginal? Yes. Am I impressed? No. I had said "I really like the 2002-03 Christmas jersey in that the background has been changed to reflect the promotion. That's taking the design to a whole-new level, and gets a thumbs-up from me". Does Milwaukee lose marks for this? Yes. Sorry, Milwaukee. That's what happens when you share a promotion.

The Motor City Mechanics of the UHL have worn several promotional jerseys. They wore an Inaugural Game jersey. Again, a patch would suffice (as I shake my head while writing that line). They honoured America with a jersey. The celebrated St. Patrick's Day with a jersey. The American and St. Patrick's Day jerseys are pretty good. I'm just not a fan of the advertising on the sleeves of the jerseys.

I made mention of them before, but here's another look at the AHL's Milwaukee Admirals during their Hawaiian night. I giggle everytime I see these.

The Muskegon Fury of the UHL have worn a few promo jerseys in their time. I'll start with the bad: their 15th anniversary jersey, their 2004-05 Opening Night jersey, and their NASCAR jersey. The 15th anniversary jersey should be self-explanatory - make it a patch, not a jersey. The Opening Night jersey is even more horrid in that they remind everyone that they won the Colonial Cup the previous season, as well as in 1999 and 2002. If that doesn't say arrogance, I don't know what does. The NASCAR jersey gets a bad rating from me because NASCAR and hockey don't go together. Ever. Not to mention that it's a stupid cross-sport promotion, but it's a stupid cross-sport promotion. The good would be the jersey created to honour America this season. It's simply, it's classy, and it's clear as to what they are honouring. Good job on the last jersey, Fury.

The New Haven Knights of the UHL wore a couple of St. Patrick's Day jerseys: 2000-01, and 2001-02. The second jersey appears to be a Minnesota Wild knock-off, and doesn't really have a huge St. Patrick's Day element to it. The first has a few shades of green, so it gets higher marks. However, I wouldn't say either of them achieve a passing grade.

The Peoria Rivermen of the ECHL had jerseys that would make the New York Islanders' Gorton Fishermen jerseys jealous. They are ridiculous. Number on the hem? No. Uneven lettering and numbering on the back? No. The angle the letters and numbers take? No. What the heck were they thinking?

The Philadelphia Phantoms of the AHL wore some decent St. Patrick's Day jerseys in 2004-05. They're simple, they're not gaudy, and they represent the green of St. Patrick's Day. Only the shamrocks needed to be a little bigger. Otherwise, this is a good jersey.

The Port Huron Flags of the UHL wore a couple of St. Patrick's Day jerseys: 2005-06, and 2006-07. The second one is neat in that they doctored up a blank Guinness jersey into their own jersey. The first one is a little on the boring side. Kudos for the Guinness jersey, though.

The Providence Bruins of the AHL wore two promo jerseys of note in 2006-07. The first is the Reds jersey, worn in honour of the old Providence Reds and Rhode Island Reds. The Reds were Providence's first professional hockey team, seeing action in Canadian-American Hockey League (CAHL) from 1926-36, and then in the AHL from 1936-1976. The Reds won the Calder Cup in 1938, 1940, 1949, and 1956. The actual franchise of the Reds is now the Hartford Wolfpack, but the Bruins still honoured their city's former team. The second jersey they wore was in honour of St. Patrick's Day. I am huge fan of this jersey. It is probably the best St. Patrick's Day jersey I have seen to date. Two thumbs way up to the Providence Bruins in keeping hockey classy with these two timeless jerseys.

The Quad City Mallards of the UHL seem to be the ugly duckling of the jersey world. In previous articles, their jerseys have been questioned by me. It will be no different this time. They have their 10th anniversary jersey. The only good thing about the jersey is the logo since their regular logo is hideous. From there, we have a St. Patrick's Day jersey from 1995-96, a Valentine's Day jersey from 1998-99, and a Halloween jersey from 2005-06. They featured a VH1 Save The Music/Battle of the Bands jersey this season. The VH1 Save the Music Foundation seeks to encourage America’s public school to make instrumental music education a part of their curriculum while alerting Americans about the role that music plays in each child’s education. The foundation has provided schools with over $34 million worth of new instruments to over 1,400 schools in 80 communities. The jersey itself was designed by a local student. My thought was "good initiative, but a terrible jersey". In 2000-01, the Mallards had a Disco Night. That jersey seems a little quiet for disco. Six bad jerseys from the Mallards.

REV Bremerhaven of the DEL had a couple of interesting jerseys. They wore this jersey as their regular road jersey all season, and followed that up with a Christmas jersey. The Christmas jersey is kind of cartoonish, but it is very representative of the season. The first jersey? Wow. And not in a good way.

The short-lived Roanoke Valley Vipers of the UHL wore a very nice Guns and Hoses tribute jersey. The logo is really the only thing that changed, aside from the patch on the shoulder. A very nice tribute to the men and women of the police and fire departments in that it is a simple design and carries the message well. Thumbs-up to this jersey.

The Rochester Americans of the AHL wore the most boring St. Patrick's Day jersey ever in 1999-2000. The words "Ho hum" come to mind.

The Rocky Mountain Rage of the CHL makes another appearance on these articles. The Rage wore three promo jerseys this past season: Mardi Gras, Winter/Holiday Season, and St. Patrick's Day. Compared to the Christmas atrocity that was seen last time, these three jerseys are an improvement. However, Mardi Gras in the Rocky Mountains? Not on my watch. The winter/holiday jersey is different but unique, and I like the snow-covered numbers. The St. Patrick's Day is simple, so it gets a thumbs-up.

The San Antonio Rampage of the AHL offered a couple of promotional jerseys this season. They had their Salute to the Badges jersey, honouring local law enforcement and firefighters from the Alamo Area, similar to the Gun and Hoses jerseys seen above. The jerseys were auctioned after the game with proceeds benefitting the Alamo Area Fire and Police Memorial. They also honoured the NBA's San Antonio Spurs with a jersey. Cross-sport promotion is still a no-no in my books. The Badges jersey isn't bad, but isn't that great either. At leats the Guns and Hoses jerseys had jersey changes, making it easy to spot the differences in what the promotion was. The patch is a nice addition, but I thought the Rampage could have done more.

The Seattle Thunderbirds of the WHL have worn a pile of promo jerseys. They have their 25th anniversary jersey (for the love of God, no!), a 2002 Halloween jersey (that's Halloween?), a 2005 Halloween jersey (that's better! I like it!), a 2000 St. Patrick's Day jersey (not bad), a 2006 St. Patrick's Day jersey (baby puke green? Why?), and a 2001 Valentine's Day jersey (I love it not). My bolded comments in parentheses should say enough.

The San Francisco Spiders of the IHL worn this tye-dye uniform in 1995-96. I think my eyes are bleeding. That is horrific.

The Sioux City Muskateers of the USHL sported some St. Patrick's Day jerseys. These jerseys aren't bad, but certainly not close to the Providence Bruins' version. They do get a passing grade.

The Utah Grizzlies of the AHL hosted a Guns vs. Hoses game before they closed up shop. It was a charity game before the actual Grizzlies' game that featured the police vs. the fire department. A portion of each ticket purchased from a Guns and Hoses player went to the University of Utah Burn Camp and the Foundation for Children and Youth with Diabetes. Thumbs-up for a solid jersey helping out two excellent causes.

The Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins of the AHL have wore a pile of promo jerseys over the years. Here's a rundown: 5th anniversary jersey in 2003-04 (end the insanity!), Fight Against Breast Cancer warm-up jersey in 2007 (a decent jersey for an excellent cause), 2001 Christmas jersey (boring), 2002 Christmas jersey (Christmas is never that bland), 2003 Christmas jersey with a side view (are they just re-using the same jerseys?), 2006 Christmas jersey (did the Wild design that jersey?), 2000 St. Patrick's Day jersey (big shamrock = average jersey), 2001 St. Patrick's Day jersey (getting better!), 2002-03 St. Patrick's Day jersey (still better!), 2004 St. Patrick's Day jersey (still on the right track), 1999-2000 tye-dye warmup jersey (my eyes!), 2001 Pittsburgh Hornets jersey (awesome!), and the 2002 Pittsburgh Hornets jersey (still awesome!). The Hornets were a former AHL team based out of Pittsburgh, and the jerseys were worn as tributes to that team. The comments say enough.

The Wheeling Nailers of the ECHL honoured their ties to the city of Pittsburgh by wearing Pittsburgh-inspired jerseys. I have to admit that the Nailers put the Pirates to shame. They also wore St. Patrick's Day jerseys in 2004-05. This one gets a big thumbs-up for the Guinness jersey and the awesome font on the back. Well done, Nailers!

And finally, we move to sponsorship at its worst. The UHL All-Star Games in 2005 and 2006 featured team wearing corporate logos as their primary logo. Paul Lukas of Uni Watch will not like these photos. The 2005 UHL All-Star Game featured Team Mountain Dew vs. Team Pepsi. Simply brutal. I know I've talked about how all-star games are basically a chance for professional sports leagues to wine-and-dine any and all sponsors and sponsors-to-be, but this is taking it to a whole new level. In 2006, the UHL did it again, featuring Team Aquafina vs. Team Gatorade. Hideous? You bet. But at least you know you'll be drinking Pepsi products at the game. Brought to you by Pepsi. The Pepsi UHL Pepsi All-Star Pepsi Game.

Ok, so that's a huge pile of jerseys, but I'm sure there are some that are worth it, and some that aren't. Just remember: if you go blind or have a seizure, I'm not to blame. More NHL playoffs tonight! Until next time, keep your stick on the ice!