Friday, 5 August 2011

Avery's New Pad

If I'm a realtor today, I'm selling Sean Avery on the benefits of what could be his newest bachelor pad. Avery, as you may have heard, was arrested after shoving a police officer, and incarcerated overnight after the officer wasn't impressed with his agitating tactics. As for Friday morning, Avery posted his $20,000 bail money, and was free to continue working on his latest NHL antics with people who were more inclined to accept his form of bother.

Avery is expected to be in court on September 2 for his latest indiscretion, and this charge appears to be a little murky after Los Angeles police officers were dispatched to Avery's residence to break up a party after neighbours complained about the noise. The police report shows that Avery was taken into custody at 12:30AM after answering the front door and pushing an officer, and was booked into custody at 2:58AM for battery. As of 8:10AM this morning, he was out on bail after posting the bond.

Avery reportedly called the responding officers "fat little pigs" and proceeded to challenge the responding officers to "come back without your badges". Whether he was intoxicated at the time or not wasn't reported, but Avery has to remember one thing in these situations: that badge the officers wear pretty much gives them jurisdiction to be in his face. All of this could have been avoided had he simply acquiesced with their request, and there wouldn't be all this media frenzy over Avery's latest antics. Now it appears that his future with the New York Rangers could be in question, and I doubt many NHL teams will take a flyer on him of the Rangers cut him loose.

In short, Sean Avery proves once again that he's his own worst enemy.

While I firmly believe in the "innocent until proven guilty" mantra, I'm not sure that Avery's word will stand up to the reports of several officers who apparently witnessed the events that unfolded on Avery's doorstep. That being said, here are the benefits of what could be Mr. Avery's newest bachelor pad in Los Angeles:

  • No grass to cut, no hedges to cut, no flowerbeds to weed. Bachelor's paradise!
  • Free parking in the impound lot*!
  • Three meals delivered to your door daily!
  • One free phone call included with your stay!
  • Regular security checks and constant supervision of premises!
  • Daily housekeeping provided!
  • Laundry on-site for all your washing and drying needs!
  • Roommates encouraged!
  • Low monthly rates with long-term options available!
*small fee may be required to exit lot.

Honestly, if you take away some of the "drawbacks", Sean Avery could be the envy of all his friends with this new bachelor pad. Like a good realtor, you just need to sell the positives of the property you're trying to move, and I'm pretty sure that Avery would be a welcomed member of the community in this scenario.

Could Avery get himself a realty lawyer and a defence lawyer and save himself some money in the process? It's a possibility that needs to be explored before September 2, 2011!

Until next time, keep your sticks on the ice!

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