Hoo-Buoy

For those that aren't aware, Hollywood movie producer Jerry Bruckheimer is part of the majority co-owners of the NHL's Seattle Kraken. Bruckheimer made his fortunes making Hollywood blockbusters and TV shows such as the CSI franchise, the US version of The Amazing Race, Top Gun, Bad Boys, Beverly Hills Cop, and the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise where one can spot the legendary kraken in the second film of the franchise Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. If you notice, the list of movies above didn't contain the Dreamworks-produced Trolls animated movie because, simply, Jerry Bruckheimer had nothing to do with it. Today, however, the Kraken and one specific troll were smashed together in a way that not even the most ridiculous movie plot can explain or rationalize.

If you think of all the maritime imagery you've ever seen in your life, I would bet "troll" doesn't even make the cut. Whether it be pirates, fishermen, mermaids, fish, whales, starfish, octopi, Davy Jones himself, boats, seagulls, puffins, sharks, or any other creature tied to the sea, never have I imagined a troll being part of that set of images whether real or imagined.

In thinking about all those images, the Seattle Kraken introduced their first-ever mascot today, and it's... something.

That is Buoy, the new troll mascot for the Seattle Kraken, and, assuming you're like me, you're probably asking, "How on earth does the Kraken have a troll as a mascot?" Let's find out.

First, to the video they use to try and explain this troll.

One might need a little history lesson on this troll sculpture that the kids were sitting on at the end of the video. Known as the "Fremont Troll", "The Troll, or the "Troll Under the Bridge", it's an actual sculpture found at North 36th Street at Troll Avenue North, under the north end of the George Washington Memorial Bridge sculpted by Steve Badanes, Will Martin, Donna Walter, and Ross Whitehead from Norwegian folklore. The troll holds a Volkswagen Beetle in its left hand as if it had just swiped it from the roadway above. It was sculpted as way to rehabilitate the area following Freemont's problem of homelessness, garbage dumping, and drug use in the area.

In short, it wasn't made for kids, it certainly doesn't get people excited, and it doesn't dance and skate. It is, however, a Seattle landmark as the mayor stated, so one out of four requirements for this new mascot was met. The sasquatch will remain with the Sonics.

According to Geoff Baker of the Seattle Times, "The Kraken's mascot has been 18 months in planning and nearly launched after last Christmas. But the NHL schedule had been paused due to a COVID-19 resurgence, prompting the team to hold off."

If I'm doing the math, the Kraken have been planning a sea-troll as a mascot for 18 months, and they didn't bother to do any market testing or surveys about what the fans thought the mascot should be? How does one land on "troll" to represent the Kraken?

"There was a long list of names that we looked at," Lamont Buford, the Kraken's vice president of live entertainment and game presentation, told Baker. "We looked at the Seattle area, we looked at the water, we looked at our brand. And just like a buoy floating out on the water, it just happened to pop up and we stumbled on it."

That might be one of the worst rationalizations I've ever heard for a mascot, but, again, Buford touched on "the Seattle area" as one of the factors that led them to the troll. As Baker wrote, "[t]he team liked the way the name sounds when chanted, the troll links to Seattle pop culture and the mascot's approachable look."

I will admit that "Boo-Wee" as a chant might work well, but I don't know how often a crowd at a hockey game chants the mascot's name outside of Philadelphia where Gritty has taken on a life of his own outside of the team. I also can't deny that the troll itself feels more like it belongs on the live-action version of Trolls the movie than a hockey team, but that means that kids will likely gravitate towards it rather than fear it. That's the hallmark of a good mascot.

The random facts for Buoy include that he's a "sea-troll who lives in the caverns of Climate Pledge Arena", his "favorite meal is Shark with Maple Leaf seasoning", he "once jammed with Mudhoney at The Crocodile", and he "pays tribute to the deep sea creature with unique touch of magic in his hockey hair flow". If you're asking what that is, check his right ear where there's a tentacle growing from behind his ear. Buoy will wear jersey #0, and is also said to be a nephew of the Fremont Troll, but I honestly can't see any resemblance between the two trolls.

"I think fans want a mascot," Kraken chief marketing officer Katie Townsend said to Baker. "It's also great for us to have a brand ambassador who... can be a representative for our brand at hospitals, community visits, with our corporate partners."

The New York Rangers go back to being the lone NHL team without a mascot after the introduction of Buoy tonight. While I still question why a troll is the mascot for the Kraken, the Kraken have made it clear that Buoy has strong ties to the Seattle area. The next thing we should be prepared for is finding out who the person is that won right to have the best troll job in the NHL.

Until next time, keep your sticks on the ice!